[ upon landing ]

   first off, to set the mood, do yourself a favor and have a listen to this:

------

   

   the train doors shut and it slowly picked up speed, leaving the platform behind. the faces of my little cousins and my uncle peered after me, little hands waving goodbye. 

   that was the moment when it hit me that i was moving from denmark. two weeks left at the school, i had decided to take the time to visit family before leaving, making sure to catch up and enjoy the last moments. i just hadn't really fully realized what was happening yet. i had booked a ticket for home back in march or something, at of course at that time, it was so far out in the distance. but time fled past.

   3 years is a long time. 

   a lot has happened in that time. 

   and so. 

   the world traveler has landed in portland again - this time for an indefinite amount of time. 

   it's easy to tell yourself that there is a transition period awaiting you when you return home, and yet - saying and expecting that, and then experiencing it are two very different things. expecting it doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

   this year has been the hardest and toughest year of my life - and strangely, at the same time, the best year of my life. in many areas, God has stretched and helped me grow exponentially. there were many challenges in aspects that i didn't expect. i learned a lot about what it means to fight. what to fight for. and what not to fight for. unfortunately some of those lessons came about the hard way, as it tends to work with fairly stubborn people at times. 

   but with that, i have experienced such an amount of grace i had never felt before. 

   grace remains a mere concept to us unless we truly experience it in our lives and are able to accept it for the powerful gift it is. 

  and that's just it. 

   it challenged me to a breaking point. because the expectations i have for myself, i expect other people to hold me to. so if i'm hard on myself, other people should be too. right? 

   God somehow broke through a lot of these barriers. and at some point, i finally understood. i was recording a colleague of mine for her testimony the week i was leaving. she began speaking about grace and how much of that she had experienced at the school - and because of that, was able to pass it on.

   and i just broke down in the middle of her speaking. what she said pierced my heart. it finally got through to me. 

   the dialogue that followed was funny.

   "what! are you crying?! stop it!" 

   "nooo i'm not!"

   "do you do this with everyone?! you can't do this! you'll make me cry. this isn't happening." 

   -----

   "what's next?"

   i am hearing this question a lot these days. and guess what?

   i have no idea.

   do i have dreams, wishes, sort-of-plans? yep. absolutely. 

   at this point, i am settling down in portland with the intention of reconnecting with people/friends, involving myself in my church, continuing to do photography, and eventually finding myself a job.

   beyond that, we will see. who knows how long i'll be in portland. but here i am, trying my best to settle in. reacquaint myself with the american culture that i have forgotten how to live in, and try to do my best to become "unconfused" when it comes to culture in general. 

   it's exciting and scary at the same time, being in this position in life. so many opportunities and potential roads to travel down. but God's got it under control and i am learning to trust Him leading more and more. 

   so with that in mind, the possibilities are awesome. i know He has something beyond amazing planned for me, so it's all about taking one day at a time and being patient. [trying to be, anyway.] 

   stick around for stories, highlights, frustrations, revelations, teachings, and just plain old life being shared on this blog.

   i am a storyteller. that has been a fairly recent epiphany. 

   and i believe we have a lot to learn from one another's stories. 

   until next time.