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Pointless.
And thus sums up my past week. It’s been one of those where
the pleasures and joys of life have less flavor; the rays of happiness are dulled when they make their way through.
Oh lordy I sound depressing.
But this happens. Randomly. For what seems no reason. I get sucked into this hole and am not entirely myself for a week or two. I’ve discovered dancing helps quite a bit, as it does with most things anyway.
Point is, I feel like a horrible person. My heart isn’t in the right frame of mind, so to speak – and, for that matter, neither is my mind.
And this is where the obvious, cliché reply would be to say “spend more time with God.”
I know.
And the worst part is, I think that plays a huge part in the reason this happens. Because it doesn’t happen very often. But when it does, it’s a large recipe made of irritation, shortness, the inability or lack of wanting to be around or put up with people, and the overall downer attitude.
I sound like an amazing person, I know. Best part is, you don’t know the thoughts that go through my mind sometimes.
My humanity screams at me when I think of them.
But the fact is, I know I’m being really hard on myself. And I know I’m not an awful person, and am certainly not the person I’m painting myself to be right now. What I do know is that I need to focus my time and energy on the only One who can pull me out of this and restore me to being fully me again. And I know dancing will play a large part that process.
I think I just feel blessed right now to know that God isn’t judging me. I think He’s literally stretching His hand out to me and beckoning so we can continue my life journey forward together. I may be taking a brief break right now, but we’re going forward nonetheless.
But this happens. Randomly. For what seems no reason. I get sucked into this hole and am not entirely myself for a week or two. I’ve discovered dancing helps quite a bit, as it does with most things anyway.
Point is, I feel like a horrible person. My heart isn’t in the right frame of mind, so to speak – and, for that matter, neither is my mind.
And this is where the obvious, cliché reply would be to say “spend more time with God.”
I know.
And the worst part is, I think that plays a huge part in the reason this happens. Because it doesn’t happen very often. But when it does, it’s a large recipe made of irritation, shortness, the inability or lack of wanting to be around or put up with people, and the overall downer attitude.
I sound like an amazing person, I know. Best part is, you don’t know the thoughts that go through my mind sometimes.
My humanity screams at me when I think of them.
But the fact is, I know I’m being really hard on myself. And I know I’m not an awful person, and am certainly not the person I’m painting myself to be right now. What I do know is that I need to focus my time and energy on the only One who can pull me out of this and restore me to being fully me again. And I know dancing will play a large part that process.
I think I just feel blessed right now to know that God isn’t judging me. I think He’s literally stretching His hand out to me and beckoning so we can continue my life journey forward together. I may be taking a brief break right now, but we’re going forward nonetheless.
