wednesday evening thoughts.

clouds pass by, thick with potential promise of typical portland rain. the breeze kicks up just slightly, though not enough to chill. our hummingbird friend stops by for a brief peer before deftly moving on within a brief moment, and all the while traffic hums faintly in the distance. cup of hot chocolate in hand, sitting on the front porch watching life go by. life has a certain feel of deep and utter calm; all that was stirred up throughout the day comes to a halt, with a sense of a breath taken and resolution of starting afresh.

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i was reminded, yet again, in conversation today that people and relationship are a liquid and sometimes seasonal entity. perhaps a part II of the intentional post and train of thought. and so these thoughts are thus spilled forth.

although it's been argued in past discussions that relationships are not meant to be broken - i continue to hold firm that this is not always the case. people are broken, and thus relationship cannot exist in the form it was originally created to be in this lifetime.

boundaries strain, intentions misunderstood. people grow into themselves (or out), and thus change dynamic of what once was. loyalties are lost. someone moves on.

but why do we fight relational deaths? is it because we have a deeper sense that it was never supposed to happen? or do we dare not let go for fear of what may come post-process? fear of loneliness. fear of failure. fear of conflict. fear of backlash.

been chewing on the topic of expectation lately. particularly the unspoken ones.

ultimately, what are the things that we hold onto tightly that prohibit transparency and an open field? better yet - what expectations do we have for ourselves that we then lay on other people.. 

these questions have been circulating my mind recently. it's interesting to see patterns. repetition of behavior in the way people handle things - especially conflict. and brokenness.

and to create a perfect (seeming) contradiction to the idea of breaking relationship - God's been challenging me with reconciliation lately. namely, bringing people back to the forefront of my mind that i haven't seen for years and didn't end too well with.

on several occasions, He's brought our paths back together again to bring about an unavoidable meeting point, forcing me to face my sometimes unresolved opinions and choose to create a new story.

because that's just it.

story.

we each carry our own stories, ones that become intertwined when introduced to someone else's story.

the question is - how do we carry that combined story?

at what points do we choose to fight and carry it on - and when do we choose to go our separate ways, to disentangle once again?

it's my wish and my desire to carry a story of joy and truth and to impact in the ways i can. to create lasting combined stories, but also to create the option for an exit that's completely acceptable. to be a rock when needed, but also know when to shut the door.

here's to new stories, mended ones, and the future unknown.

photo by the wonderful T&B Photography
www.tbphotographypdx.com