intentional or abusive?

relationships are hard.

a life is created between two people when a relation is formed. life that requires attention and care for it to thrive and thus, grow. but equally, life that is a tender fragility, one that holds easy potential to be overridden and otherwise destroyed. chasms appear out of seemingly thin air, bridges craftily built or burned.

we were created as beings that crave and actually need contact.

“it is not good for man to be alone.”

relationship.

miss kayla photography // 2015

a tremendous blessing and source of life for each one of us, one that i think we easily overlook because it’s also a source of great hurt and trial at times.

God’s been challenging me about intentionality within relationships. each individual in my life is there for a reason, and each person i come to crossroads with has potential for much more than a shared casual glance.

there’s a precarious balance of enjoying someone’s life to the fullest, or using them for your own needs. there’s a dangerous line that lies between closeness + transparency and being closely intimate in a place that lacks healthy boundaries. there’s a need for opinions and shared experiences as well as maintaining individual personality without being overridden by the other.

it’s a constantly tipping scale, you see?

but relationship was first formed on the basis of open intimacy, one that existed in a form we see glimpses and small experiences of. one that satan perverted and continues to twist throughout our entire lives, intending to tear apart and split what was meant to be good.

unintentionality puts us in the position of using and abusing people for who they are; intentionality with the wrong motivation has the same effect.

ah, the way He’s impacted my life through those dearest to me. and even through complete strangers, through their own intentionality. i’m not just talking about the sunshine days.

this year, tough decisions were made. branches were pruned. hurts healed. and life goes on.

but through it all, there’s been deepening of sweetness and grace. a sort of awareness of each individual in my life has grown, along with their influence on surroundings. everyone is meant to be recognized, encouraged, loved for who He created them to be. without relationship, we would miss out on endless opportunities to acknowledge these, and attention brought to both positive and negative details about ourselves. we gain this through the sharpening of the other’s thoughts, guidance, conflict, character, etc.

i’ve had to find the rather awkward balance between caring deeply for people and holding them lightly.

many that i love are spread across the globe and some from my hometown have moved away as well. to love and care for them deeply – and yet hold them lightly to create room and space for growth that will inevitably happen. it’s space that also allows for perhaps different expectations or reality of what the life of the relationship will look like, or not, in some cases. paths divide and people go their own way, and there must be room for this also.

it’s painful territory to traverse.

but ultimately you end up loving people for who they are (not having to create distance out of fear), whilst allowing the necessary breathing room in order not to smother. 

i realized that i don't want to waste time with people - but neither do i want to force my own agenda on someone else's life that's rightfully their own to make choices and do what they so please.

while this may sound like a no-brainer - our culture doesn't exactly set us up that way. we're usually in it for the cheap momentary satisfaction, and the deepening of relationship through conflict is something generally avoided out of fear and not wanting to deal with pain. 

it's well worth it, however. life-long friends and even wonderful seasonal relationships are formed and impacting. 

so here's to being intentional. to recognizing who's around you and why. what value do they hold to you - assuming they're not just a pretty decoration to your life that's used on your whim. 

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