[ all or nothing ]

   surrender.

   jesus came down to earth himself. giving up everything. becoming a mere human like me. to live and breathe the air we breathe. to one day die the most painful death. nailed to a cross, as a living sacrifice for all of humanity for every single mistake and sin and wrong ever committed -- past, present, and future.

   surrender.

   it has an awkward taste on the tongue. surrendering in war means you give up and hope the enemy doesn't just kill you anyway. surrendering means giving up in our minds, doesn't it.

   and yet, in this seemingly opposite notion, surrendering to God simply means that you actually gain everything.


   but it's not so simple for us, is it.

   because surrender means to give everything up.

   e v e r y t h i n g .

   your home. your family. your favorite possessions. your dreams.

   it means to give up every single thing you've ever wanted or dreamed about, and give them into his hands and know that his plans and purposes have been planned since before your beginning, and that he ultimately has the greater good than you could ever plan for yourself.

   again : God has every part of our life under control, if we only give up our own control over our lives.

   and it's worth it. because in the end, every time we ever try to take our life by our own control, things don't turn out the way we want them to. or end up slightly twisted somehow.

   my life has been a melodramatic story of coming to and going away from God. constantly trying to seek my own plans. trying to convince myself that my decisions were far better than God's.

   when all it brought me in the end was bitterness. heartache. pain. brokenness. confusion. and the list goes on.

   it's ironic that the one thing that would bring so much freedom is the hardest thing to do.


copyright Miss Kayla Photography | 2012

   the thing is.

   i. don't. know. how. to. surrender.

   i don't know how many times i prayed for God to "take it all", or how many times i sang "i give you all", or "i give you my life". eventually it's just another  pointless, meaningless christian cliche.

   my mind screams, "no don't, you can't, you don't know how to trust".

   and my heart whispers, beckons, "yes you do. you just need to choose. he's right there, waiting to guide you the whole way. you just need to trust."



   how selfish am i to withhold my life from the one that gave everything. he laid e v e r y t h i n g down for me.

   the very least i can do is to give him my life.

   because if i don't let go, and i continue to hold onto the last few things that are dangling in my hands, the things my fingers cling to -- i know it will all just be waste.

   it's about choosing life over death. about choosing his plan over mine.

   it's me refusing to let disobedience be an option and choosing to take his way and not mine.

   because anything less than everything for my saviour is simply just a waste.

  

   it's all or nothing.

   s u r r e n d e r .