[ value in the process ]

   How many "almost" roads have I nearly walked down?

   .. too many.

   How close have I really come to making some pretty stupid mistakes?

   .. too close.

   How many "revivals" have I had in my life?

   .. eh, who knows.


   Man.

   Sometimes I wonder how much stuff could have happened. Or what didn't happen.

   You know?

   It hit me one day that there have been so many chances for me to just completely walk away from my faith and God in general. Because of my own choices, because of things that happen in life, or just because of my own selfishness.

   Thing is, I look back on circumstances in my life, the choices I've made, the times I've wandered off and tried to do life on my own, when I decided to come back and was fired up for God again -- I realize that He never gave up on me.

   He was always right there, whispering my name.

   Always right there, ready to welcome me with open arms when I decided to come back.

   Never rebuking the idiotic, selfish things I'd done. But always with love.

   Just love.

   I wondered just how much God has been in every situation. How much He's done that I have no idea about. The times He's come and picked up the pieces and placed them where they belonged. The times when He stepped in and directed me to another option, the better option.

   And I look back on the things that He's rescued me from and pulled me away from. I mean, I've screwed up pretty dang well sometimes. But you know what?

   All the more glory to Him.

   Honestly, we only have a tiny clue of just how much God is working in our lives.

   I think people sit around and complain far too much about God not speaking to them, not do anything in their lives, not working miracles and who knows what.

   When, truth is, I think He's doing more there than when it's actually visable to us.

   I think we need to expect far more from God and our lives in the times when we can't see anything, can't hear anything, when we're in the wilderness -- than when everything is clear.

   Because in those precious, horrible moments, He's working something new. Creating something in us.

   "There is value in the process", I told my roommate one day. It was one of those things that slip out, and although I meant it, only now am I understanding the full meaning behind it in my own life.

   So, while it sucks, and while being held in a place that isn't comfortable for you -- know that He's not there any less than any other time. He's working in you and through you.

   He's not going to walk away from something partly finished.

   So don't give up on it either.